What's HER Secret?!

Have you ever read something, or heard somebody say something that really struck a chord with you? Last night when watching the finale of ANTM (that's America's Next Top Model for those of you who are wondering) it was something Raina said (Yes, I know their names, and No I'm not an ANTM obsessive - I just happened to follow Cycle 14 (!) and managed to see every episode this time around (Dontcha just love Sky+). Anyway - back to Raina. Without turning into an ANTM geek, and going into all detail I'll just cut to the chase and tell it how it was. There were 2 of them left - R and Krista. Both were to 'stomp to the death' and one of them would be crowned ANTM. Before the walk off, they showed clips of both girls commenting on different things, Krista remarked something about how Raina was always just so happy and cheery, blah, blah, (can't remember word for word, but it was along those lines anyway) Then Raina spoke - and there IT was:

"Sometimes I think she (K) doesn't like me cos I'm a really happy, positive person. I always try and change everything that's negative into a positive and I think sometimes that pisses people off"

Where Art Thou?

Hey there. In case anybody's wondering where I am, or where I've been (or where my posts are to be precise!) .............. I got caught up in that silly Capulet v Montagues war then Romeo decided it was me he wanted after all, so swept me off my balcony and took me on this big adventure................Phew.

Nah, I'm just kidding - nice thought though. I'm right here and all is good. I shall be back with regular posts by the end of this week - and onwards. Been a hectic few weeks - too much to mention - but I literally haven't had a moment spare to sit and write - and boy, I've really missed it. Hope someone's missed me - or my posts anyway!

Shall be back in a day or so and pick up where I left off and hope I've still got some interested readers. In the meantime - have a little read (or re-read!) of older posts - and don't forget  - do comment should you feel like it - or share your own thoughts or experiences - or just say whatever it is you want.  

Laters

J x

Ho,Ho,Ho, Ho-rmonal (not me)!!!

Greetings Girls.  Here's a little pre-Xmas laugh for all those of you who care to read! If you're hormonal - my Xmas present to you is this advice - DON'T GO XMAS SHOPPING !!! I am lucky (!) as this time around I am not yet mid cycle, therefore I'm having a bit of peace from any fiends (until next week maybe, but what the hell - that's then, this is now, so I'll skip over that bridge when I come to it!) Anyways, I went Christmas shopping for an hour today and before I had to go and pick up my son from school. I had a little plan - a few shops and a few things and I would stick to my list and with no diversions. Did I? YES  I DID !!! Wahey!. No fiends were biting at my ass today. No baby!! Not me, nor mine! I had a little laugh (Okay, a laugh at the expense of others - a little selfish I know, but what the hell - sure makes a change for ME to feel 'free' as opposed to a day out in Hormoneville!) I was looking around (whilst in the Q to pay for my shiny new purchases of course) at the many women in the shop, who just like me, were doing their bit for Christmas - and I had a thought.........I thought 'I betcha - JUST BETCHA, a few of them were feeling the hormone pinch!!'  You know THAT feeling when you're shopping and just NOT 'feeling' it (cos your hormonal !!!) ......and your thoughts are all over the place, and your thinking "Right, I could get so and so a pair pf these pj's .....hmmmmm .... she's a small right? A small or a medium? Or is she a large - she did seem a bit fatter/thinner last time I saw her? Would she like the pink? ooohhh..errm..or maybe the blue? Oh for gods sake F*** this, I'll come back another time when I'm in the mood!!!" 

BOO!

Well, Well, Well.  Talk about 'speaking too soon'.  Just when I thought I was having  a free run - whaddya  know,  a fiend came and bit me right on the ass, and hissed "Na Na Na -Ya thought wrong!"

Yeah - so here I am, feeling somewhat rattled cos I can feel the little suckers jumping up 'n' down inside me and having a ball! It's just been one of those days - well, the day itself hasn't been THAT bad as such, but you know the type where you just find yourself feeling tense and agitated for no reason at all. Oh, except there IS a reason  - I'm due on my P.  And if I know my body as well as I think I do - it's coming early (hence the visit from the fiends and the 'Hormoneville'  bus parked up outside). Anyway, and before today kicked off -  for the first month in a good few, I physically feel like crap. C.r.a.p. Capital C.  My mojo's gone walkies. Both my boobs are swollen and sore (and not just the LEFT one as would normally be) my face resembles something from Domino's pizza, my hair - wot the hell - Halloween ended last week, and here I am with a witch like greasy-limp-rats-tails type do. I feel ever so tired, ever so sluggish, ever so this and ever so that - and have I ever felt this bad? You kiddin? Yeah -course I have, but not for ages anyway.  On the plus side though (!) mentally and emotionally - so far, it's all good. My mind is 'quiet', my emotion's 'quieter' and I don't feel the need to let loose any crocodile tears - not tonight anyway (and if all goes according to plan and I get rid of the little suckers as intended  - then there wont be any tomorrow either).  My day - I had a 'to do' list as long as my arm (book a hair appointment, buy my little boy a new school coat), a few places to go (bathroom and tile shops) and a few people to see (mother, grandmother) and as far as I knew (last night anyway!) I was going to Do, Go, See, all of it - today.  Did I?  The hell I did. I just couldn't be bothered doing a thing. Well tell a lie - I did actually go on the visits and also managed to go to look at baths and sinks for our planned new bathroom, but even that started to irate me until I told the hubby "just pick any one of the stupid things cos they all look the bloody same".  Cue coffee and a couple of deep breaths. 

Thank God for Little Boys!

HA! IF ...just IF ..any little Hormone Fiends had any intention at all today of coming my way - my little boy sure saw the suckers comin and scuppered any plans they had of invading my body or mind (or whatever it was they had planned for me up their dirty sleeves). I woke this morning, a lovely cold sunny day, and before they even had a chance to dive in, my little boy said something to me that sent them all packing - big time:

"Mummy............ "I Thank God for U"

If your'e asking "Did he?? Awwww....No Way!?" - Yes he honestly did, and yeah I was lost for words. For a 5 year old to say that - MY 5 year old.....well.......I wanted to cry. It took me a good few minutes to respond to him cos I was absolutely blown away. I cant even begin to explain how I felt - but never before have I felt so much love for another human being (and a little one at that!)but it was all good..... and there was nothing or nobody that could have made me feel otherwise.  And definitely not a load of the little Fiend Fuckers.

Drama? What Drama....

Well, would ya believe it! Day 14. Mid month. Mid cycle. All Quiet.......!? 
If  "Don't speak too soon" is anything to go by then I'd better shut up. Normally around this time, the gates of Hormoneville are wide open and waiting to welcome my monthly mate. The fiends (that are MY hormones) would be hangin off said gates screamin and  "YO Woman! Wait till you see what we've got in store for ya this month, lets get the parrrty starrrted!" - then there it would all start, and as always, to the (goddamn)
LEFT !! Now if you're familiar with my earlier posts you'll know just what I'm talking about (if not - read 'To the Left, to the Left') But, and as I mentioned at the beginning (and while touching wood) all seems quiet down the way. Well okay, I've had a bit of a throbbing pain in my left tooth, but that's as bad as it's gotten - even today when the shit hit the fan. Now, said 'bother'
 didn't involve or have anything to do with me at all - I was just a spectator (for a change!) but whilst it was all goin on and tensions were running amok (mine weren't) I was peculiarly calm and stayed on the 'outside looking in and without feeling any of the usual stress that would usually have crept up by now.  I'm not used to this - all this having an 'oh dear' attitude and being oblivious to whatever the drama  - especially when en-route to Hormoneville. Normally other people's worries (at times) become mine - Especially loved ones. If a family member's upset or something I'm usually the first there to find out why, and ask if there's anything  I can do.

Love Thy Sister!

When you were younger did you ever get called  a 'Witch'? I did! It usually came from one of my 2 sisters during an argument - "YOU - you little witch you" or "You horrible, HORRIBLE evil little Witch"!  Ha - I'm laughing as I'm typing this - I can actually picture it like it was only yesterday and we were all kids again. Oh, how I miss those days. My sisters and I....now, and as sisters do, we'd squabble and fight over the usual stuff  - whether it be toys or dolls, then later, shoes and clothes - but back then it was all so innocent and carefree and we were probably too young to even know the meaning of half the things we said, never mind the name calling we came up with! I often think back to those days when me and my sis's were all under the same roof and without a care in the world and sometimes I really want to 'go back' - even if just for a day and also even if it meant getting called all the 'Witches' in the world! But anyway - and as the story goes - life moves on, and with it - so do we. I only came to thinking about this 'Witch' business the other day - and not because it's Halloween, (!) but because I had a row with the middle sis and I called her all the witches going - (and most of them starting with F!!) It turns out that I was hormonal (ish) and she was hormonal, so right away a double H whammy - whoah....not good!  Anyway, I wont go on about it cos it's gone now and as always, all forgotten about. Diddums. Water under the bridge. Whatever.

A Problem Shared.........

As you may know - October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. There have been so many articles and real life stories in loads of the newspapers and magazines over the last few weeks, and if I'm honest I've not read many. I actually feel ashamed saying that. Ashamed because it makes me sound like some ignorant person, and I am so not - far from it in fact. The reason I don't read such articles sometimes is purely because I get upset, then I worry, then I become terrified. Yesterday though I found myself reading a magazine article which was promoting the 'Think Pink' campaign. The article was about Bernie Nolan (of the Nolan sisters) and her battle against the disease. I read it and felt so proud of her - this woman who I don't even know - she looked fantastic and glowing and so happy and shared her story from the time she knew something weren't right with one of her breasts, to diagnosis and then the treatments she endured and the mastectomy she will be having this month. Her story also made me laugh at times because she has such a down to earth attitude and wicked sense of humour and managed to stay upbeat and positive throughout -  she was 50 recently but said that her party would be postponed until January when she would be having a  "massive F*** off to Cancer' party"!

Thanks - But NO THANKS!

This morning, whilst browsing the 'Women's Issues' bit on 'About.com'  and enjoying a coffee after my morning body balance class - I came across the most interesting article. Very interesting in fact! Apparently the US FDA (US Food & Drug Administration) have said 'NO' to the female Viagra! A German pharmaceutical company sought to gain approval for this drug (Fibanserin) and hit a brick wall when they were refused, after an FDA Advisory panel determined that the drug "does not significantly increase women's sexual desire".  Incidentally this little pill (!) is a 'failed anti-depressant', and not only does it work differently to the male version (what doesn't?!) it also "alters a woman's brain chemistry, once again suggesting that our 'issues' are more mental than physical"  (Purleeease!?!)

"HALLE-F-LUJAH for the FDA" is what me says!

Damn you Donny!

"And they called it Puppy Looovveee"' - No! Ive not bought a new puppy, and wont be anytime soon neither. It's the song that's playing on my very own 'head record player' today! Now, I'm NOT a crazy woman at all, nor am I going crazy when I say I have songs in my head - every now and again and depending on the weather in Hormoneville (yeah!) a certain song will pop up in my head and the same old song will play on and on and on.............I mean sometimes its not so bad...some songs you don't mind singing along to (I particularly don't mind this when doing the hoovering (!) ) but other times, and more often than not, it all gets a bit much and as I already told you in previous posts - I wanna 'rip up the stupid lyrics and smash the damn record player' - and.....today has been one of those days!

One for the Boys!

Dare I say, my hubby's a SUPERHERO! Okay,sounding a bit OTT maybe but at times he really is. If youre familiar with my earlier post ('There she goes') you will know how I raved about us women being WONDER WOMEN......I later realised that were not always entitled to all of the glory - SOME men are just as worthy - and my hubby is one of them! Take this for instance - when I'm hormonal he just knows. The minute I enter Hormoneville, there he is, patiently waiting for me inside the gates (bar of Lindt chocolate in one hand and a good magazine in the other) and ready to take my hand, walk me around and show me the way (duh?! as if I dont know it already!)

No, really. I am by no means at all a 'needy' woman and I'm perfectly capable of dealing with whatever hormonal hurdles appear in front of me, but it goes without saying, there's always somebody at my side along the way - in my case -  it's the hubby!  Ok, so he doesnt make the beds the way I like them, or tidy up to the standards I expect, or get the DIY stuff done when he says he will.....I could go on, but I wont, because the chances are you know exactly what Im talking about. What he CAN do though, he DOES...and when he does it he does it well. Very well in fact. I know that not everybody is fortunate to have yet met their Superhero...but I assure you - there's one out there for all of us, it's just a matter of time before your's appears - and when he does girls, (cape and all) capture him.

J X

Take a chill pill

Some things are easier said than done - and relaxing is definitely one of them. Especially when your a woman. (Somebody forgot to tell Frankie this as well)

Yesterday, for me, was one of those days. Well - one of those mornings actually as I nipped it in the bud just in time. Phew. It was a nice sunny Saturday (no rain for a change) housework had been done, washing had been put on the line, hubby was in the shower, little boy already showered and ready for the party we were taking him to, new dress was hanging up ready to be worn for planned meal later, new shoes standing pretty under said dress....everything was just nice and right and running smoothly.... only thing left to do was shower myself and then, or as I thought at the time, I'd be good to go.  Who was I kidding - I was bloody knackered. Zapped. And it was not yet even 11.30am. I realised - that from the minute I'd woken up to that minute then that I'd been like Bionic Woman and hadn't sat still. Not once. It was then, for a quick minute and seconds from meltdown, I stopped, took a deep breath and said that 5 letter word. R.E.L.A.X.

Post-Men Returns !



Hellooo Again Girl!

NOooo - No 'Post Men' have been to see me, nor have they returned, so don't read too much into the title before you read the rest! (I don't wish neither - Post Men were never MY thing) I'm talking of 'Post Menstrual Tension'! (read my 'Pre-or Post' post!) Again, 3 days AFTER my P. Now, I wont go all melodramatic on you here, because I'm not tired, and don't feel any what crappy. I actually feel and look pretty good, and I'm still very much 'H&H' ! (again, see previous 'H&H' post!)  its the emotional side of things today - and I must say, that for a good few hours today, PostMT proper bitch slapped me!

I'm sitting here now telling you this and laughing. Laughing because it seems funny now, even though it definitely weren't funny then, and if you'd have seen the state of me earlier you'd have laughed yourself. What started it all off - my mum went into hospital today for a small op on her foot. Just after midday I rang the hospital to check that the op went well and that she was OK. she was in only to be told that a 'few women had returned from surgery and were all  in the recovery room, but they couldn't yet tell me how MY mum was because they didn't know WHICH ladies it were exactly that were in recovery' (?!) and for me to 'ring back in an hour' and they would let me know then!!!! ........ Say no more. 

Thank you!

I am also very definitely A WOMAN! and  I enjoy it too! Despite everything we gotta go through, hormone hell and all the rest of it, I am female and PROUD!

To all you other 'very definitely' women out there  - who have found my new blog and are 
(I hope) enjoying reading it and able to identify with everything I have spoken about - THANK YOU for taking the time to read! Please leave comments! Say whatever you want to say - Agree with me, disagree with me, tell a tale or two, or just rant about whatever you feel like ranting about.  Share YOUR stories.

J X

There She Goes.....there she goes again

WTF - ITS OFFICIAL. I am Wonder Woman. Yes. ME. In fact - WE, US, ALL of us women are WONDER WOMEN! Why it's taken me so long to realise this, I'll never know!? My body has become Hormoneville - a haven for 'fiends' who mess with me physically & emotionally - mostly crappy, sometimes not so bad, but definitely always there! Sometimes they win and I admit defeat, sometimes they lose, and I'm the winner, but all at the same time, and whichever way I'm thrown, shaken or turned upside down (or if Im lucky, just left standing upright) I'm still able to do what I do ....... be a great MUM, a hot ass WIFE, a kind loving DAUGHTER, a concerned supportive BIG SISTER, a caring GRANDAUGHTER, a smiley DAUGHTER-IN-LAW, a great FRIEND, a well mannered COLLEAGUE, a nice NEIGHBOUR (need I go on) and all the while, whilst Im being ALL of the above things, I still manage to deal with a load of hormone fiends, and somehow....somehow.... still manage to be a WONDER-FUL WOMAN!?!?!

Took me all of 5 minutes to get that off my chest - Phew!

To all the rest of you WONDER WOMEN out there....salute yourselves!

J X

"L'amato" - ('Loved it' in Italiano!)

If you haven't yet been to see' Eat, Pray, Love' then more the fool you. I'm Kidding of course, but No -seriously - I really recommend you go see it sometime soon. Definitely gets the 'Thums Up' from me. I think all women (and men alike) will enjoy. (MY hubby did and I KNOW my little sister will too - sometimes a film magnifies life - SHE will know what I mean). We've not long returned from watching it ourselves and I'm now sitting with a glass of good red  wine (Italian of course = Rome = Italy!) and wanting to tell you what I thought of it!. As mentioned in my previous post ('A Life less Ordinary') the book, on which this film is based, is a favourite of mine, and I was (as I always am when a good book gets made into a movie) quite sceptical as to whether it would be any good. Did I like it? I did. Loved it.

HH Days & Birthdays!

It's my little boy's 5th birthday today!. (Happy Birthday baby!) I also have my monthly friend visiting for a few days (!?) So today.............I am Happy & Hormonal!! 

Yes -H & H! You read it right - and you're probably thinking "Wot? "Happy AND Hormonal? Nah. Not possible. How can you be HAPPY if your HORMONAL?!. Duh - Liar"  
Well - you CAN. Being hormonal doesn't ALWAYS mean feeling down or crappy or wotnot. Sometimes you can feel overly emotional or subdued but in a nice kind of  'dont-mind-feeling-like-this' way. In fact, for the first month out of many - I feel and look GREAT!  (My mojo's back! - and I'm on a P as well! Not bad eh!). Normally at this time of the month I'd be really feeling it. The IT I'm talking about is the whole shebang. The feeling like crap and looking like crap, the pains, sore boobs and and in general, just wanting to sleep for a day or 2 and wake up to find above mentioned 'friend' has left me a note; 'Been and now gone. Thanks again for letting me stay...see you again in 4 weeks'.  Its ironic - It's only since giving birth to my son did I enter Hormoneville. At first I hated it.

A Life Less Ordinary?

I DEFY any woman who says that she has not, at some point throughout her life, felt 'lost'. Now, when I say 'lost' I mean a feeling of unhappiness or unfulfillment, and not being quite sure where you're headed or knowing where it is that you want to be in your life. You may be unhappy in your marriage or relationship or stuck in a job that brings nil personal satisfaction and has no future prospects, or it may me something totally different, and not one reason in particular except YOU JUST WANT MORE - Simple as that.  Life has many different paths, and sometimes the ones we choose to take don't always end up the way they cracked up to be.

Me, and MY life - I'm feeling lucky. Very lucky in fact. I'm  now settled at a good place.  Actually, it's the best. I'm happy and fulfilled and I don't feel 'lost'. Don't get me wrong, I HAVE though, been there - lost. It's not a very nice place to be and I've no intention of going back! I have a wonderful hubby, a beautiful son, a close loving family, and great friends. I'm in good health, as are my family, and for that, and all of the above, I am grateful!  I'm on the right path in my life, and it's the one I intend to stay on  (god willing!) I'm now, officially, where I am MEANT TO BE!  (Halle-fucking-lujah!) 

To the Left..to the Left

WTF!  Lying in bed last night and struggling to get comfy cos my left boob was throbbing - It dawned on me - when I'm due on my P or hormonal everything happens on the LEFT side of my body.  Now, I'm not joking. Seriously. Sore LEFT boob,  LEFT side of gum throbs, headache always on the LEFT, zits appear on the LEFT side of chin, and as I'm sat here now typing this, my neck is aching...yeah, you guessed it..on the LEFT. I wonder what these little hormone fiends find so appealing about the LEFT side of my body then? The little fookers seem to build camp in the same place and as I've now discovered -  same side every couple of weeks. Did no-one ever think to tell them - a change of scenery is a good thing. Why don't they do me a little favour and try pitching tents over the RIGHT side for a change? Give the other side a break?  Huh?! My body is now, officially, a campsite for hundreds of these little blighters. They turn up unwanted (but always expected) don their big boots and start marching all over me for 3 weeks out of 4.  It's not surprising I feel downright shitty at times. Who wouldn't - being trampled on internally and messed with emotionally. Anyway..rant over. So yeah, it's all going off big time on my LEFT. But...and as always, I'll manage them. Yeah - I'M the boss of ME, and nobody or nothing - especially little ole hormone thingys won't be ruling MY body or mind. I may not have won the war, but I'm sure as hell calling the shots. On a positive note - The only thing that's NOT left so far is the hubby. 

J X

What's YOUR mojo?.....

'MOJO'.
No, I'm not talking about those little penny sweets you could buy in the corner shop (80's childhood anyone?) - nor am I talking about a new pop duo who's name is made up of the first 2 letters of their first names (think Mo and Johnny) The 'Mojo' I'm talking of is much more special. It's that little thing, that little spark, that little bit of magic that makes a person feel good. In fact, on a good day, and with mojo firmly intact, one feels effing fantastic! But, and as with most good things - they sometimes get lost, and when a mojo 'goes missing' - things SUCK. (I lost mine last week - and still waiting for the MoFo to come back) 
Now - Imagine this. Imagine NEVER losing your mojo. Imagine waking up EVERY morning feeling utterly energetic, with glowing skin, shiny hair and a body that looks and feels - ooohh..mighty fine! Yee-haw!  You feel great, look great, you're walking the walk and talking the talk. You can take on the world and her mother, and NOTHING CAN STOP YOU! Yeah...??! - DREAM ON. None of us are THAT lucky. You feel like crap. Probably look like crap (definitely speaking for myself here) The flood gates open, and you are weighed down underneath. The zits come out to play, the 'boob band' bangs its drums sending throbbing pain along the way, your gums ache (mine do), hips ache (mine do) mind races (mine does) belly balloons, you cant sleep, don't eat, can't eat, eat too much - need I go on. The list is endless. In a nutshell you feel like shit.  All that feel good attitude you had disappears quicker than you can say 'remember The Secret'! 

My Friend Aggy

I'd like to introduce you to a very good friend of mine - Agnus Castus.  (A.K.A = AGGY CASSY to myself  & hubby) Now Aggy - she's NOT a SHE, nor is she a HE. Aggy is in fact a herb. (Also known as Vitex, Chaste Tree, Chasteberry or Monks Pepper. It is a native of the Mediterranean region)  I first came across Aggy over 18 months ago after deciding that enough was enough when I began to feel afraid of the hormones that seemed to be taking over my body.  Natural remedies were the preferred route of my choice so I did the usual net rooting, focusing my search  mainly on women's health - PMT & Hormone Imbalances (apparently - and since the birth of my son - my hormones have never 're-balanced') Now...before I go any further, my body is not, and has not been for many many years, influenced by any other hormone - except my own  - I guess this means that I am in a 'natural' hormone state and do not have any artificial hormones around my body that I would have if I were taking the contraceptive pill/coil. This also means that the same hormones have a free rein of my body and can do as they please, when they sodding well please. Now, some will say that this is a good thing - everything being  'au natural' and all that doodah,  and some will say I'm mad, and question why I didn't just get some 'help' and let my hormones be controlled (manipulated & coerced into doing something they don't want to!) I guess it's all personal choice really - we are all different, and what works for some doesn't always work for others.


Anyway - back to Aggy...........I started taking the recommended dose as soon as I stepped out of Holland & Barrett.  Now I won't lie - I was expecting a miracle of some sort....I expected to jump out of bed the next morning full of beans and without a niggle of doubt about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.  Did this happen?

Pre or Post?

'Post Menstrual Tension' - does this really exist? I think so. No....I take that back - I dont THINK so - I KNOW so. Whatever happened to just PRE menstrual tension?. The reason I say - things my end seem to have shifted, and now instead of  feeling a bit premenstrual PRIOR to having my P, I seem to be feeling it POST! It's now 3 days since I said 'Au Revoir' to my monthly friend (yes - NOT Goodbye, as said 'friend' most definitly will be back, give or take 3 to 4 weeks. Now I would normally be spot on day 28 but lately and more so toward my 39yrs of age, has been making it's own mind up and visiting unannounced - 'Hellllooooo Honey - Im back'! (are you? well your 3 days bloody early'! - scuse the pun).

New to it all !

Hey! Well..where can i begin.......I think the thing to do is not think about things too much and just write! My 1st blog..........shall i begin by telling you who I am and why my blog is called such. Im Jules....39 yrs old (just) and convinced im on the verge of the Perimenopause! (yes.....you heard it here 1st!) I have this love/hate affair with my hormones. All started after the birth of my fabulous son five years ago....now..im NOT complaining...because no pain no gain, right...? But anyway....for 5 years ive had the most turbulent time..hormone wise...some fascinating  and totally funny and some totally not. I came to the conculsion just the other day (Friday 27th August 2010 to be precise) just how mad and powerful hormones actually are and how they seem to have shaped my life....I decided it was all too interesting and funny NOT to share